I am surrounded by an ocean of people, but deep in my thoughts, only the inner part of my being surrounds me from the inside out. My being is numb towards everything I see. Nothing said by anyone could ever move me. No effective deeds in this life could ever have an effect on me and my capricious thoughts.
Half of the night I wasted in sighs, thinking of what I wouldn’t act on. It doesn’t even bug me that much, that I’m letting everything be the way it wants to be. Maybe I give zero care. Fate and destiny right? Well, not that it matters. There’s a lot I could change, but I have no reason to change anything; I don’t even have a reason to find that one reason. My thoughts may be committing treason to the reader’s mind, Well I am surrounded by the inner part of me from the inside out, correcting the reception of my capricious thoughts does not make it onto the list of my concerns.
One point in life when you won’t even feel like making sense of anything happening in your life. When you know that no one can save you, and you don’t even know what it is that you need to be saved from. When whatever you need to be saved from distinguishes a newly acquired part of you that you have received from the other part of you that you have lost. Like the seed of a ripped crop, it is just a cycle of new things growing on the old soil, making it difficult to tell the old from the new. Everything looks the same at the end of the day. The part of me that I lost is the one I faked and portrayed in the presence of the ocean of people surrounding me. The part of me I currently have as my reality is the one that messes me up, the one I’m tired of, but then again, I choose to settle for it, because it is the one that makes me not even care about anything that I just said.