As millennials, our parents did not concern themselves with our social life. They left us alone with our peers as long as we fulfilled all our house chores. Something we often got into trouble for all the time. They were not involved at all in our social life.
Talking to some of the learners, there is this level of openness between them and their parents, which is interesting to see. According to these learners, this creates a level of trust and security because the parents can guide them accordingly, especially when it comes to social lifestyle. Even though they still do things that parents may not agree with, they still remember to respect their parents’ word. “We are young, we will get out of line just like our parents did,” said Sbusiso. “But that does not mean we now lose respect and we do not consider their advice on how we should behave!” he concluded.
On the street you see all kinds of characters and that tells you which home the individual comes from.
“You are your parents’ decision, therefore it is important to not embarrass them when you are with your peers” said Karabo. “Our youth is known to disrespect adults and talk back a lot, knowing that their parents are not allowed to beat them up, once a person is like that they become unruly and end up taking bad decisions” she concluded.
When it comes to dating, girls become more open about it with their mothers, while it is very tough for the boys to open up about it. The dynamics are not the same. By nature, boys do not speak much, therefore asking them to share sensitive information like who they are dating becomes an uphill battle. This has its downsides because there is no mentorship to guide them on how to go about handling a relationship.
This is not only an issue for the current generation, it was an issue for us growing up and for some of us it is still an issue even today.
Role parents play in a child’s social life should not override some of their choices, and some choices will be very unpopular. I remember when my niece broke her virginity while in matric. My mother completely disowned her, and I can understand her point of view, but for me, this is when I decided to support her and love her through her poor choices. Is she not sexually active? Probably she is and it freaks me out as it should. But there is one covenant between me and her, and that is I am still young to be a grandfather, it is a blessing that needs to wait a while longer, maybe in my 40s and even then when I am married and with kids lol.
In other words, there is a workmanship relationship between parents and their children to mutually agree to work together in helping the child grow and become a responsible citizen. You cannot as parents babysit them forever, at some stage you have to accept that they are adults who will make choices that you do not agree with, in that case, pray for them and trust that God will lead and guide them. Speaking to one of the parents, “bro my 17-year-old boy has incredible wisdom, he called me out on living in debt, at first I sat him down and lectured him about why we are where we are, however he did not want hear none of it, until I decided to sit down and hear him, the stuff that came out of his mouth was mind blowing and has helped me secure massive investments and come out of debts” the parent concluded. Here is that workmanship between parents and children.
My only brother died young and had lots of kids at a very young age, now they are all grown and have to figure this life thing out. I’m trying to figure it out as well so we are in this together lol, but this is the beauty of the workmanship between parents and their children. I did not enjoy the same pleasure growing up, I did not have a relationship with my parents at all, I was separated from family at a young age, and have since been alone and had to figure this life thing out. The family was there, but we had no relationship, this is in my book, will tell you guys all about it one day.
Our parents did not have time for “nonsense,” they were always occupied with life. So there was some disconnect when it came to the social life.
Lastly, I have recently had this revelation that as adults, parents and youth leaders, we need to start preparing young men and women to be husbands and wives just as we are preparing them to be in the work force and be responsible citizens. Currently we are teaching them to be girlfriends and boyfriends as another stage of their growth. This is why they remain at this stage for the rest of their lives, boyfriends and girlfriends play games with each other, this is also the reason why there is so much heartache and pain, and I know it too well, but a wife and husband material do not have the time to play games because they know exactly what they want.
If you think about it, this was always our way of life as Africans, when our fathers and our mothers became of age, they aimed to seek marriage, not play games. When they found each other, they both knew what they wanted and that was marriage. This is the reason they also stayed married. Their parents were extremely intentional with prepping them for marriage. It was a bit of a thing if you did not get married at a certain age, we can get away with it today because it is a norm.
Therefore, during a conversation between you as a parent and your child, remember to prep them for marriage as well, not just academic excellence.